Natalie Foxworth-Selwyn & the Pureblood Prince
by Datura Borgin
Summary: Natalie "Nat" Foxworth-Selwyn is a Slytherin, a Seer, and a shoddy witch. But when her visions start to turn to the budding Wizarding War, she gets drawn into a new crowd, one that threatens to pull her under, into the alluring Dark side of magic.
1. Chapter 1

_**Sunday, September 1**__**st**__**, 1996**_

Natalie Foxworth, or Nat, as she preferred to be called, was sprinting down the corridors that led to the Slytherin common room in the dungeons. Her hands were clasped over her mouth and nose as she tried to calm down by breathing through them. Panic was overwhelming her and starting to give her tunnel vision, making everything worse as she tried to just make it to her bed.

The first day of Hogwarts was always overstimulating. Nat had just endured a long and awkward train ride with her girlfriend Astoria and the other fourth year Slytherin girls. She always felt extremely weird for dating someone two years below her when it wasn't just the two of them. As a result, Nat had barely spoken for the entire day, not even to Astoria, not even once they had been seated in the Great Hall. As soon as the sorting was over and the food appeared on the table, Nat lost it. The plethora of carb filled, calorie laden, unsafe foods suddenly assaulted her senses and pushed her over the edge, and she had to ditch without explanation.

She kicked herself mentally as she ran, knowing Astoria's dorm mates would be shit talking her all night. Nat knew they tried to convince Astoria to break up with her at every opportunity. As hard as she tried, Nat was innately unstable, even on ordinary days. She felt horrible, her sweet girlfriend deserved so much better than a mess like her.

Nat finally reached the entrance to the common room and spoke the password quickly. She slipped through the door before it had even fully opened, then rushed to the sixth year girls' dorm room. She was grateful, at least, to have time to settle in before her wretched roommates returned from dinner.

When she entered the room, she found her belongings arranged around a corner bed, by one of the underwater portholes that served as the dungeon's windows. Nat managed a small smile as she saw her celesta next to her nightstand, and her large wooden bookshelf from home. She was glad the house elves seemed to remember her little arrangement with her room mates, and that they had known to unpack the furniture from her Extended trunk.

The dorm was meant to house five, but there were only four girls in Slytherin for Nat's year. So of course, when she was in third year, Nat hexed her roommates in a battle for the extra space, and won. Nat wasn't the best at practical magic, but she made sure her enemies knew better than to fuck with her. The piano like instrument was small, but it still took up enough space to frequently invoke the ire of Pansy, in particular. Nat would defend her one musical outlet until the end though, and she had studied plenty of new jinxes and hexes just in case she needed to do so.

She flopped down on her canopied bed and opened her nightstand drawer. As expected, her backpack and toiletries bag had been unpacked into it. As creepy as Nat found Hogwarts' house elves, they certainly were conveniently intuitive. She decided she needed to calm herself chemically, so she pulled out the pharmaceuticals her Muggle psychiatrists had loaded her up with for the term.

Nat instantly took an entire day's worth of Klonopin, knowing it still wouldn't be enough to completely calm her down. Then, she stared at her other pill bottle, considering it. Ironically, her medications had completely opposite effects. Even though she knew better, Nat tended to take an excessive amount of one medication to outweigh the unpleasant effects of taking too much of the other.

_I _have_ to get some sleep..._ Nat told herself sternly, _at some point tonight…_ She opened the Adderall bottle. _So I'll just have one, _she thought, her impulsive streak quickly taking control as she swallowed two extended release capsules. She sighed, full of self hatred over her lack of control. _Oh well. I'll get some reading and writing done, _Nat bargained with herself before putting the bottles back in the drawer.

She looked over at her bookshelf, realizing she would still have to sort her collection manually. Nat would never expect anyone else, never mind a subhuman elf, to get her neurotic order right. Besides, there were several other questionable books stashed away in the bottom of her trunk to discreetly mix in over the term.

Her panic had been abating, but Nat decided to make an active effort to feel a little better before sequestering herself away until morning. She sat down at the celesta, and her hands moved lightly but lazily over the keys. She mumbled out a melody to an improvised chord progression, testing out the song that started to materialize in her head on the train. After figuring out the bass line, she crooned the words that floated through her head ever since she caught sight of the subject of her perpetual agony.

"_White hair, black tattoo, I want everything about you…" _she started to vocalize, before abruptly slamming her hands down on the keys. Tears started to stream down her face and she buried her face in one of the pillows on her bed. In seconds, the fabric was soaked in tears. _What am I even doing this for? I'm never going to show this to anyone, least of all him... _Nat thought gloomily, full of self doubt and loathing_. This bass line sucks. This melody sucks. My voice sucks. This is all just pointless. He'll never want me like I want him… _

Nat went ballistic, feeling terrible about herself and having emotionally cheated on every partner she'd had over the last five years, including her current girlfriend. If Astoria knew, hell, if anyone knew, Nat would be completely shunned for the rest of her time at Hogwarts.

She wondered if she would ever be able to have a normal, happy relationship, or make it as a famous musician. But then, as if on cue, Nat was overwhelmed by a premonition. Her vision blacked out as it started, so she laid on her back to succumb to the flash of a potential future.

_She stood standing on a stage in front of a band, playing a harpsichord, an enchanted theremin, a xylophone, and a drum kit. Nat's face shimmered with crystalline drops of emotion. Her voice sounded so clear, so beautiful, and as she stared into the crowd, a familiar pale face gave her a loving smile._

The vision faded and Nat sat up. Her visions didn't come true every time, but she felt mildly comforted by the brief taste of artistic fulfillment and reciprocated love.

She cried herself out a bit more before she realized it was time to hide from her roommates. Begrudgingly, Nat forced herself to get up and change into one of her favorite pastel vintage nightgowns. She pulled her pine wand out of her Slytherin robe and raised it above her trunk, contemplating what to summon first.

"_Accio _Unusual Hexes and Curses. _Accio _Confronting the Faceless. _Accio _Flowers in the Attic," Nat cast, sending the three books flying out of her Undetectably Extended trunk and onto her bed. She looked over her shoulder, pointed her wand at the door and cast, "_Colloportus," _making a mental note to unlock the it again before hiding away for the night.

Nat had purchased a shit ton of weed from Crabbe before the start of term. He was arguably the most depraved pureblood in the entire year, and he was bound to get expelled any day now. Nat didn't want to have to associate with the sketchy prick during the term, so she had purchased an exorbitant amount of each of her favorite strains. _Hmmm, Ambrosia Kush, White Acromantula, Patronus Haze, Sleepless Dream... _she thought, staring down into the trunk. Nat scratched her chin, contemplating what she needed. She was still feeling anxious and prone to cry at the first bad thought, and she just wanted to be able to read and sleep. After going back and forth for way too long, she finally just summoned a random strain.

"_Accio _Patronus Haze. _Accio _pink lace bag," Nat cast quietly, sending a gigantic jar of pale green herb and a small pouch onto her bed. She looked at the door nervously before sitting down and moving quickly. The large jar held a solid ten pounds of potent sativa, and Nat couldn't help but swoon as she opened it and inhaled the sweet fruity scent. She plucked a small nug out of the jar, then sealed the it and returned it to her trunk. Before unlocking the door, Nat closed her canopy around her bed, making sure everything was out of sight.

Once she was safely hidden in her bed, Nat lifted her wand again, Sticking her curtains together and casting an Imperturbable bubble around her personal space. Even though she struggled to learn them, her agoraphobic lifestyle meant that Nat put plenty of effort into mastering the privacy spells. Plus, crying and ripping bowls in bed was her absolute favorite hobby, so she had to figure out a way to do so at school as soon as she discovered how awesome weed was.

Nat pulled out a cornflower blue glass pipe and a Muggle lighter from her pouch. Despite her unusual gift, Nat was so bad at Charms that she didn't even like to risk conjuring flames in her bed. She sparked the lighter, brought the piece to her mouth, lit the herb, and breathed in deeply. Nat held the smoke in her mouth before letting it rise up through her nostrils in a smooth French inhale. She felt herself relax instantly as she drew it into her lungs, then started to cough heavily.

The Patronus Haze strain had a pleasant effect of inducing all of the smoker's best memories at once, creating a comfortable haze to float in. Nat didn't have that many great memories though, so the effect wasn't as strong as it would be on happier, neurotypical people. Considering this, she decided to take another two Klonopin. It would at least counteract any physical symptoms of anxiety that the haze might induce, and make her less twitchy and erratic once the Adderall kicked in.

She took another big rip before setting the pipe down on the lace pouch it lived in. Nat gazed at the night's selection of books, and decided to start with her favorite horror novel while she waited for her Adderall to take full effect. It was by a Muggle author, V.C. Andrews, but it was still effectively creepy.

Nat flipped to one of her favorite sections, where the siblings drank each others blood while being starved in captivity. She tried to concentrate on the disturbing but oddly soothing story, but it was doing nothing to help her keep calming down. Even through the weed and the pharmaceuticals, Nat's eyes welled up again. She was so frustrated with her emotions, which seemed impossible to regulate no matter what she did. _It's going to be a long night,_ Nat thought ruefully. She put the book down, knowing she wasn't going to be able to read the beautifully devastating novel through her tears.

Though she could not be disturbed or smelled from behind her protective charms, Nat was able to hear the other sixth year girls enter the room. She knew they were aware of her presence, as she was almost always hiding behind the charmed canopy curtains if anyone else was in the dorm. So naturally, they chose to gossip extremely loudly about Nat, pretending they didn't think she was there.

"Ugh, she was there for the whole first half of August," said Daphne, "it was horrible. They snuck off to the forest all the time, probably to have gross lesbian sex in the dirt, like the disgusting piece of shit Foxworth is. I can't believe my parents let them sleep in the same room. She's corrupting my sister, I swear to Merlin. I should really curse that stupid bitch." Daphne was projecting her voice as much as possible towards Nat's bed.

Nat just rolled her eyes and took another hit. _Curse away, cunt. I'm still going to fuck your sister._

"I can't even _imagine,_ I can't believe your parents would let a gross half-blood stay at your house," Millicent snorted.

At least I don't look inbred, Nat thought as she blew a series of perfect smoke rings.

"They're trying to be accepting, I guess, but they're just being permissive." Daphne sighed. "Who knows how long she has left," Daphne said in a much smaller voice. The other girls did not reply.

Nat's stomach soured. She was extremely surprised to hear her girlfriend's sister imply that their parents were even remotely okay with their relationship. Nat certainly hadn't gotten that vibe while she stayed with the Greengrass family. It was even more shocking to hear Daphne mention Astoria's ever shortening prognosis. The girls stopped talking so loud, and Nat decided to stop listening. She cashed her bowl and packed another, determined to smoke enough to be completely calm.

As she began to feel the introspective effect of the sativa strain, Nat spaced out staring at the top of her canopy. Her relationship with Astoria had somehow simultaneously been the healthiest and unhealthiest relationship of her entire romantic history. The fourth year girl was the only other person at Hogwarts who understood what it was like to be sick, controlled by a resistant and elusive disease, to be frail and likely to die sooner rather than later. They might have fed each others' misery, enabling each other to indulge in self pity too often, but they were also each others' rocks. Thus, Nat had been weighing the pro's and con's of continuing the relationship ever since she left the Greengrass house.

For the last few weeks of the break, Nat had been completely barraged by open eye visions, premonitions in dreams, random retrocognition upon touching objects, and violent hallucinations. Even though she knew they weren't all bound to happen, they were deeply disturbing and made her anxiety unbearable. And ever since she left Astoria's, she had been seeing terrible visions. Visions of Astoria dead, but not by her disease- by Nat's own bloody hand. Crackling lightning shooting from a wand that was not her own, igniting what she intuitively knew to be Astoria and Draco's marital home. Draco slicing Nat with a knife as she threw her head back in ecstasy. Fighting against her professors in the cobblestone courtyard outside the Great Hall amidst a hellish battle scene.

As horrible as they were, Nat's obsessive mind compulsively played the visions on a loop. There was no way she could tell Astoria what was going on in her head, and it had caused a lapse in correspondence for the last few weeks of summer. Nat cringed as she reflected on how awkward the distance had made the train ride. She wondered how she was going to reconnect with Astoria, and if she even could now.

It was starting to become undeniable; Nat had been pining and suffering over Draco Malfoy since their first year. The prestigious pureblood boy had despised her since second year though, when her ex Theodore Nott told the entire house that Nat had lied about being a pureblood. When she got caught secretly dating Ginny in fourth year, Nat earned herself a great amount of disdain from Draco and the entire house for messing around with the blood traitor Gryffindor. Even jumping straight to dating the seventh year Quidditch Captain, Adrian Pucey, nothing could restore Nat's reputation. It only took a month for Adrian to run back to his friends and reinforce how fucking weird Nat was.

And yet, despite Draco's alternating rudeness and indifference to Nat, she had tried to get a little closer to him by joining the Inquisitorial Squad last year. Umbridge's group might have bonded the rest of Slytherin, but they all still held Nat at arm's length. No one wanted to sink their social standing by being too nice to the frequently fainting freak.

Astoria had been so kind to her, though. The girls quickly formed a connection based primarily on their illnesses, and jumped straight into an exclusive relationship. Nat had held a secret flame for Astoria since before she dated Ginny, but she knew everyone would find her extremely creepy for going after an eleven year old first year as a fourteen year old third year. But Nat figured fourteen and sixteen wasn't as weird, even though she'd be turning seventeen in just a few days.

Nat knew deep down that she had only chosen to be with Astoria upon realizing that Draco's repulsion might never wane. There was no question that Astoria had been a second choice, and it made Nat feel more and more like a piece of shit every time she thought about it, which was too often.

She forced herself to cut off the train of thought by packing another bowl and torching half of it. Rehashing the series of events that led to her misery at Hogwarts was one of Nat's brain's favorite ways of torturing her, second only to replaying the persistent and intrusive premonitions. The memories and fantasies were way too engrossing for her weak subconscious to easily drop, but she had to try harder. Nat could tell by her racing heart beat that the amphetamines had kicked in, so she made herself crack open the Defense Against The Dark Arts textbook.

Defense Against The Dark Arts was one of her worst classes, and she was terrified of studying under Professor Snape this year. Nat could never dedicate herself enough to learning the protective jinxes, even on extra meds. Besides, Nat had an inclination to protect herself with hexes and curses instead. Although the subject was not touched at Hogwarts, and she was rarely able to get away with practicing any of the spells, Nat had slowly collected a diverse collection of Dark spell books from stores in Knockturn Alley. After beginning to read them, the only value she ever really found in the Defense class was learning the effects of spells that could be used against her, and the ways they could be thwarted.

Predictably, Nat closed the textbook in less than five minutes. She grabbed her ancient copy of Unusual Hexes and Curses and cracked it open to the dog eared page near the end. Before diving in, Nat finished her bowl and returned it to its pouch. She tucked it under her pillow so she wouldn't have to expose her hand by reaching out to her nightstand drawer.

She reviewed the Unforgivable Curses section for the hundredth time. Compared to the other sadistic spells in the book, the curses seemed almost tame. The Killing Curse was downright humane next to some of the evisceration hexes. Like horror novels though, reading the descriptions and theory of the vicious spells was soothing to Nat. She finally relaxed, reading late into the night before slowly succumbing to a recurring dream.

Draco was laughing down at Nat, his stone wall grey eyes flashing black in near darkness. He straddled her waist, holding a gruesome and sadistic looking black knife just millimeters from her throat. They were on the floor in a gigantic room that was filled wall to ceiling with junk and treasures alike. When it wasn't given a specific purpose, The Room of Requirement reminded Nat of the Muggle antique shop she frequented at home. Looking back up at Draco, Nat became suddenly conscious of her nudity, which made her feel both exposed and aroused.

"Tell me where," Draco said quietly, leaning down over her pale, naked body to whisper in her ear. He pressed the blade gently into her skin, causing tiny droplets of blood to bead up. The sting was delightful, but Nat couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed with the lack of dominance Draco showed by allowing her to choose the spot.

Nat drew a slow line with her fingertip, right under her protruding left collar bone. Her back arched in anticipation, pressing herself into Draco. He shoved her down by the shoulder, then held her steady by placing her hand on her throat and pressing hard. Nat breathed, squeaking slightly, and felt Draco adjust his grip accordingly. Then, abruptly, he sliced the indicated spot, the knife cleanly gliding through the top layers of her skin. Nat cried out, but Draco's hand pressed threateningly on her windpipe. "Again," she managed to gasp, controlling herself from twitching underneath him. He swiftly cut a second, thinner line directly beneath the first, then carelessly tossed the black blade aside.

Draco pressed his lips to the incisions he had made, then licked slowly along the length of them. He released his hold on Nat's throat, using one hand to hold himself above her and the other to swirl two fingers in her pooling blood, then raised his hand to examine it in the light. Draco then pressed her breasts together, and Nat bit her lip hard to avoid crying out. The incisions parted like blooming petals, and they both grinned, snickering, at the sight of blood welling up and spilling down Nat's body. Draco dipped his fingers in it again, then shoved them past Nat's lips, forcing her to swallow her own blood. The iron taste, mingled with the endorphin rush of being cut, always caused her head to swim. Her blood must have had the same effect on Draco, as he wet his fingers in it again and sucked them clean.

"You fucking love this," Nat said coyly, while Draco wrote out 'half-blood slut' across her tits and stomach. Draco didn't return the playful sentiment, just silently embossed the words with more of her blood.

"You're going to lay here until classes, let that dry, and wear it under your uniform today," Draco said flatly, finally with the authority she craved. "And don't you dare wash it off," he commanded, almost as an afterthought. "I better see it again tonight."

Nat nodded, knowing better than to speak or show anything but compliance at this point. Without any sign of affection, or even a goodbye, Draco stood up and walked away from her. Nat laid still, watching Draco wipe blood from his face with his robes as he navigated his way out of the labyrinth with surprising ease.

Nat woke up with her hand already in her underwear, masturbating to the fading dream. It was her favorite vision to obsess over, and the one she wanted most desperately to fucking happen already. Replaying the dream in her mind always brought her to a quick and hard climax.

She tried to ignore the fact that she was unable to discern if these dreams were true visions, or just obsessive fantasies about becoming an unbridled Dark witch with her long term love as her partner in crime. _They're real, _Nat thought, half assuring herself, half hoping with all her heart.

As Nat rearranged her bed to fall back to sleep for a few hours, a thought kept repeating itself. _We __**will **__be together, _her mind asserted. She summoned another memory; Nat sat in a darkened bay window, her fingers entwined in Draco's, their eyes staring down at their matching, branded forearms.

Only the slightest hint of guilt twinged at her subconscious as she faded out again.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Monday, September 2**__**nd**__**, 1996**_

Nat barely slept, as her pharmaceuticals kept her rocking in and out of consciousness all night. She gave up on trying fall back asleep around five in the morning, at which point she would just be drowsy upon waking if she managed to succeed. As she sat up in bed, her heart started thumping hard, the amphetamines in her system picking right back up where they left off. Nat ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes to breathe deeply, already building up some serious anxiety about the first day of classes. But rather than bar herself out with her benzos, Nat reached under her pillow and grabbed her lace pouch.

The Sticking and Imperturbable charms on Nat's bed had broken while she slept. She sighed, thinking about how far away she was from mastering the _Permanent _Sticking charm. Nat had already been working on the complicated charm since fourth year, at the beginning of her relationship with Ginny. But Nat was practically incapable of learning Charms at the same rate as the rest of her year, never mind advanced spells, so it shouldn't have been a surprise when the enchantment didn't quite hold one night. The spell's failure, combined with Nat's dorm mates reactions to catching her half dressed with the blood traitor girl in their room, had effectively ended her relationship with Ginny. The traumatizing incident had reinforced the need to master the privacy spells as soon as possible, but the advanced Sticking spell seemed forever elusive.

Before recasting the spells, Nat quietly slipped out of bed to open her trunk. She looked across at Millicent, who was storing loudly with a snot bubble in her nose. Nat suppressed a snicker as she turned back to her trunk. "_Accio _Durban Dittany," she whispered, summoning the jar of indica from the deep depths of the trunk. As quietly as she could, Nat opened the jar, grabbed a palm sized piece, and Banished the jar back to its spot with the rest of her hidden contraband. She realized she might as well keep a small stash in her bed for the day, in case she didn't have another chance to get the jar out for a while.

Nat settled back into her bed, casting the Sticking charm and Imperturbable charm again as soon as the canopy was closed. She quietly vanished the ash left in her pipe and packed the bowl with the heavy indica strain. Durban Dittany was one of her favorites, as it dulled all physical and emotional strain. She would definitely need something to cancel out some of her speediness to avoid appearing cracked out on the first day of term. Nat smoked four bowls before finally forcing herself to stash her pouch, get up, and face the day.

The sunlight was just starting to stream through the water outside the porthole window. Nat checked the large grandfather clock in the room, which read six thirty. She hastened to put on her uniform, which had been freshly pressed by the house elves overnight. Nat loaded her Lightened satchel with all her books, so she wouldn't have to run back to the dorm upon receiving her schedule at breakfast. As soon as she was ready, she headed down to the Great Hall before anyone else could wake up.

Nat liked to get to meals before or after most of the other students, so she could get away with her weird eating habits. She was obsessed with the nutritional content of food and stuck to a strict regimen to maintain her 'perfect' measurements. In reality, Nat was very small, very sick and fragile looking, with unusually thin hair for her young age. She had a billion lies prepared, if anyone were to ask why she was so frail and prone to passing out. But in recent years, no one in Slytherin gave two fucks whether she lived or died, so Nat didn't rehearse the imaginary confrontations as often as she used to.

She filled a small bowl with two dollops of yogurt, a nearly insignificant amount of granola, and a shit ton of blackberries. Her main meal was the massive amount of coffee that she downed over fifteen minutes. Nat found herself wishing that she had taken at least one more Adderall, as it was one of the only ways she could keep herself in the real world long enough to concentrate on classes. Plus, the Muggle pharmaceutical was an essential component of her weight maintenance regimen, so she would have to take it before lunch in order to balance out the day's intake. Nat sighed, dreading having to return to the room. Caffeine would suffice for the first class of the day, but nothing could compare to the clarity and pure focus that amphetamines induced.

Nat froze as she realized she would risk seeing Astoria in the common room, or walking out of the girl's dormitory. She had already subconsciously raced to the Great Hall hoping to avoid her, as the couple usually met up in the common room before meals. Nat felt like shit, but she knew having an awkward morning with her girlfriend would be a terrible start to the first day of classes.

Professor McGonagall began walking around the Hall from table to table, handing out schedules to the few other students who had arrived early. Nat thanked the witch gratefully as she took her own piece of parchment, but only received a terse smile from the Transfiguration professor before she walked away. She had never been able to garner much favor from any of the professors whose classes she sucked in.

She reviewed her schedule quickly, as there wasn't much to review. Her abysmal O.W.L. scores meant that she failed to meet the requirements for several classes, including core subjects like Potions and Herbology. She had only been approved to take six classes this year, which surprisingly just made her feel stupid rather than excited for all the new free time.

N.E.W.T. level classes were all taught as double periods once a week, and as Nat had been warned, the lessons would be much more intensive. Even with her limited schedule, she would need all the extra time to keep up with assignments.

_Eight o'clock Defense on Mondays, History of Magic and Charms on Tuesdays, Divination and Transfiguration Wednesdays, oh, nothing Thursday until Astronomy at eight in the evening, that's nice, and nothing Friday. Fucking awesome. _Nat grinned, feeling a bit less anxious about the year, what with all the free time blocked out at the end of her weeks. Astronomy was one of her favorite subjects and among the few subjects she managed an O in, so Thursday wouldn't even feel like a class day. _Four day weekends every week, _she thought with mustered optimism.

As students started to trickle into the Great Hall, Nat rushed to finish her tiny portion of food. She quickly left, not wanting to run into anyone at all before her day began. Nat made a beeline for the bridge that led to the classroom section of the castle. She walked past the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and back outside, to the courtyard below the Astronomy tower that contained a beautiful antique fountain.

It was starting to drizzle, but as the courtyard was deserted, Nat didn't mind the chilly spot. She cast the Impervious charm around herself to protect her from the mist, cracked open _Flowers in the Attic, _and waited for eight to roll around.

After a few chapters, Nat checked her watch and decided to beat the rest of the students to the class room. Scoring a secluded spot before other students could take them was way more important than avoiding one on one time with the most intimidating professor at school.

Nat entered the classroom and immediately looked up to admire the perfectly preserved dragon skeleton hanging from the ceiling. It made the room one of her favorites in the castle, despite her lack of proficiency in the class taught inside it. She headed to her usual desk in the back left corner, when Professor Snape cleared his throat loudly from his desk at the front of the classroom.

"You'll be sitting at the front, Miss Foxworth, her Head of House said sternly, "along with the rest of my 'E' students." Despite the professor's general favoritism towards Slytherins, Nat had always been too terrible at Potions, and too terrified of him, to form a decent rapport with Snape. She swallowed a freshly formed lump in her throat as she walked to the seat nearest to the professor's desk. Professor Snape smiled tersely, almost imperceptibly. "I intend to make sure my... struggling students _pay attention." _He said the last words through gritted teeth. Nat tried to disguise how anxious the dark haired man was making her with his quietly aggressive demeanor.

"I really appreciate the consideration," Nat said, managing a tone of confidence. "I'm just grateful to have been accepted into the class. I know you required 'O' students when you taught Potions." Nat paused, not wanting to sound like a suck up, but wanting desperately to mollify him even in the slightest. "I intend to try my hardest, I really want an 'O' on my N.E.W.T.," Nat said, her voice growing increasingly small. Therefore, she was relieved as fuck to see another witch walk through the door. She was a student Snape seemed to resent more than Nat, despite the witch's perfect grades.

"Miss Granger, further back," Snape nearly snarled, as Hermione went to take the seat across the aisle from Nat. Hermione looked confused, but walked back without a word. The bushy haired Gryffindor gave Nat a strange, slightly bitchy look as she went to take a set a few rows behind her. Nat sighed quietly. Hermione was one of the many people who despised Nat for her relationship with Ginny, and now she also hated her for helping the rest of the Inquisitorial Squad break up Dumbledore's Army last term.

Professor Snape gave the slightest lip curl of a grin as he watched his most irritating pupil looking dismayed and insulted over being ousted from what had been her permanent seat. Nat imagined that as a professor, it must have gotten old having Hermione in the front row, stabbing her hand in the air at every question.

The rest of the class filled in steadily, and Hannah Abbott took the seat next to her. Though the two girls didn't talk much, Hannah had never been anything but pleasant to Nat. She knew part of Hannah's friendly attitude towards her was due to the fact that Nat had never flirted with her, nor with any of the other girls in Hufflepuff for that matter.

It seemed to be a side effect of dating girls; whenever Nat chose a female partner, all of the girls' dorm mates would practically excommunicate them both. Nat had learned this quickly, although she should have known better to start a relationship with a Gryffindor blood traitor. The discrimination seemed to be social law; even dating Astoria, a pureblood witch with a surname on the Sacred 28 list, most of Nat's house still either hated her or ignored her.

Nat tried to drop her self pitying train of thought, and she was inclined to give in to the black and blood red visions that constantly played just out of the corner of her mind's eye. The violent images never failed to distract her from her depressing existence, and they could consume her mind for an entire day, if she let them. The Adderall helped her resist them, but as new premonitions and flashes naturally came and went throughout the day, she couldn't help but hone in on them when she wasn't trying hard enough to focus on class.

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow as he seemed to witness Nat's internal struggle. Like most students, she believed the wizard to be a Legilimens, as he had always been a bit too intuitive. Nat liked to test this, which was probably another reason the wizard held her at a distance. She stared at the floor to let the memory of a recurring and detailed vision flood her mind.

_With a few slashes of her wand, she vivisected a faceless student on the teachers' platform, while the entire Great Hall was filled with battling students, professors, and Death Eaters. Nat allowed herself to feel the full spectrum of emotion the vision provoked- glee, intrigue, ruthlessness, anger, vengeance. _

She could feel the professor's eyes boring into the back of her head, but he casually glanced away as Nat looked up and cleared her mind. If he had been able to see her thoughts, Snape never made any indication of it.

The professor cleared his throat, which was unnecessary as the class was already dead silent. "Books closed please, I want your fullest attention," he said coldly. He launched into his lecture by providing his perception of the Dark arts- enigmatic, powerful, unpredictable, and frequently irreversible. Snape criticized their former teachers and emphasized his surprise that anyone managed to qualify for the N.E.W.T. level in the first place. He transitioned into discussing the portraits he had hung on the wall, which were all enchanted and gory scenes of witches and wizards afflicted by dark magic. Nat stared at them and listened with fascination, pleasantly surprised by the gravity that the pictures and descriptions brought to the class.

Professor Snape began to start the lesson on nonverbal spells, which of course Hermione attempted to answer all questions on. Nat felt herself growing nervous, she hadn't even attempted nonverbal spells as she tended to be unsuccessful even with intense focus and clear pronunciation of the incantations. Her stomach tightened as Snape emphasized how much willpower it took to successfully perform the spells silently.

After notes were taken, the class was divided into pairs and assigned to jinx and repel each other without speaking incantations aloud. Nat suppressed a groan; Shield charms already always required extra concentration for her. She supposed she was lucky to be paired with another 'E' student, as Hannah had never showed exceptional prowess in jinxes in the first place.

Nat felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead as the Hufflepuff girl prepared to jinx her. She held her wand straight, already slowly pronouncing the counter spell in her mind. "_Petrificus Totalus!" _Hannah cast, and Nat couldn't help but shield her eyes as she quickly whipped her wand back at her and thought the incantation. To her surprise, her body remained perfectly mobile. She stared at her wand in confusion, then back at Hannah.

"Silently, Miss Abbott," Snape said flatly, though he subtly raised an eyebrow as he paused his pacing to watch. "Again, without speaking. And try to actually _look_ while your opponent attacks you, Miss Foxworth."

Nat straightened and prepared to be jinxed again. Hannah's face flushed as she attempted to cast the spell, once, twice, three times, before her wand flashed to indicate success. Again, Nat felt the invisible yet protective wave emit from her wand. Professor Snape walked to her side, startling her with his urgency.

"How unusual," he nearly sneered. "Let me see your wand," Snape said, extending his hand. Nat was confused, but did not dare question the severe wizard. She handed it over without a word and felt herself pale as he examined it. "Pine," he declared after a few seconds, "and I'm assuming dragon heartstring." Snape handed Nat's wand back to her as she nodded nervously.

"Yes sir," she said, confused about the importance of his assessment.

"One of the most sensitive woods to nonverbal magic," he replied, still looking at it in her hands. "Well then, lucky you. At least you'll be able to meet that requirement this year," Snape said coldly. He turned to address the rest of the class. "I failed to mention," he said in his usual drawn out manner, "by October, you will be expected to cast spells nonverbally in all classes." The class groaned, inciting a sweeping and silencing glare from the professor. "Therefore, I suggest you start practicing _extremely _regularly." And with that, he left the class to continue practicing for the rest of the double period.

At the end of the class, Nat quickly thanked Professor Snape. She received only the slightest nod of acknowledgement in return, but Nat considered it as good as a smile coming from the asshole of a professor.

Most of the class was heading to lunch, which Nat impulsively decided to skip. She had plenty of safe food stashed in her nightstand, though she still did not have an appetite. Professor Snape's class was her only class of the day, and as she had nothing but practical homework from him, Nat was in the clear to spend the rest of the day ripping her bong, reading, and hopefully catching up on some much needed rest. She rushed down to the dungeons, determined to beat all the other Slytherins back to the dormitory.

She found the common room blessedly empty, and none of her horrible roommates were in the dormitory either. Nat let out a huge sigh of relief as she walked to her space and dropped her book bag between her bed and nightstand. She paused, realizing she might as well get a head start on History of Magic and Charms before the classes tomorrow, so Nat retrieved the textbooks from the bag and tossed them onto her bed.

Nat checked the clock and realized she probably had at least forty five minutes before the other girls might return. She pulled her wand from its pocket in her robes, then pointed it at the door handle. Nat closed her eyes tightly, concentrating hard, then opened them and thought, _Colloportus! _To her extreme satisfaction, the lock clicked into place. _Holy shit, I might be able to pass this year, _Nat thought excitedly.

Despite having plenty of time, Nat rushed to grab her private diary and a couple of her forbidden spell books. She set them on top of the text books before she went to change into one of her many nightgowns for the rest of the day. As an afterthought, she chose to go ahead and summon one of her jars, a silvery batch of weed called White Acromantula. The strain always kicked her on her ass, so she plucked another large piece from the jar and stashed it in her pouch. She also Summoned her tall, quadruple percolated glass bong, then unlocked the door after hiding it away behind her canopy.

Before she started smoking, Nat brought two fingers to the side of her neck to check her pulse. _Ugh, guess I'm not sleeping anytime soon anyways,_ she thought. She realized the best thing to do would be to take another Adderall, stay up until she was exhausted, and sleep solidly through the night. Nat shook out a pill and dry-swallowed it, then turned her attention back to packing her bong.

Nat paused to look down at her wand, then back up at her bong. _I wonder, _she thought, as she picked it up and tapped the mouthpiece of the water pipe. _Aguamenti! _Nat cast silently, and her eyes bulged as the piece of paraphernalia filled with the perfect amount of liquid. She was horrible at conjuration, and yet it suddenly came immediately.

Looking around, she pointed her wand at her curtains and cast the Sticking charm nonverbally, then the Imperturbable charm. She leaned forward to test the corner of the canopy and found it stiff as a rock and impossible to slip her hand through. _Holy shit, holy shit. _

Her mood was already floated by the day's discovery, by the exciting potential of not flunking all her practical classes, so when she finally took a hit, Nat was practically elated. She wondered what the variable was, what she had been doing so wrong that her wand nearly refused to cooperate for five years. Nat sat back to keep smoking, and she kept feeling better and better. The amphetamines washed over her again, and she enthusiastically opened her Charms book to begin practicing.

Hours passed, and though she found the spells that challenged her most were still rather difficult, Nat was experiencing a higher success rate than ever before. She wondered why the _fuck _nonverbal spells hadn't been O.W.L. level material, as she would have done much better on her practicals if she had even been encouraged to attempt them. In any case, Nat was just thrilled by the prospect of not making a fool out of herself in front of her classmates this year.

After several bowls, Nat was roasted as hell and completely free of negative emotions. She set her bong against the rock hard curtains, then let her mind drift until her subconscious bubbled up and presented her with a pleasant vision.

_She ran across the darkened Main Yard towards the gates of Hogwarts, her face felt stuck in a permanent smile. Nat felt heat on her back and saw the glow and shadows of a massive fire in front of her, but she was not inclined to turn back to see the source. She ran with a massive pack of terrifying looking witches and wizards, but she was oddly comforted by them, honored to be included. A mass of curly black hair bounced at the head of the group, and the psychotic witch started skipping in circles. She led the pack, giggling madly. _Holy shit, Bellatrix Lestrange, _Nat's lucid mind thought. But then, Nat felt a hand slip into hers and squeeze tightly. She looked over, and Draco had materialized next to her. He started to run faster, and Nat quickened her pace to match his. When they reached the gate, Bellatrix and a couple of the wizards cracked the protective enchantment with a few excellently cast curses. The group quickly crossed the threshold, then Nat linked arms with Draco and Disapparated. _

Nat blinked rapidly as the vision cleared and she regained her sight. Her mind went wild as it started to digest the new premonition. Nat tended to idolize the 'worst' people, Bellatrix Lestrange being one of them, so a glimpse of being in league with her was nothing short of astounding.

She closed the Charms book sitting next to her on her bed, and reached for the Dark book she had purchased right before the term. Though she would need to find a way to discreetly practice, Nat was filled with a newfound resolve to fully indulge her Dark inclinations. She opened to the first page, and pored over the book for the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thursday, September **__**5th**__**, 1996**_

It was seven o'clock in the evening, and Nat was passing the time reading in bed before Astronomy class in an hour. She had skipped dinner again; actually, she had skipped every meal since Monday's breakfast. Nat sustained herself with rice cakes and a jar of peanut butter that she kept in her nightstand. She didn't really enjoy the taste of most foods, so it didn't matter what she ate as long as it kept her alive.

Nat was engrossed in her Transfiguration reading when her dorm mates suddenly stormed into the room.

"We know you're in here, Foxworth," Pansy said loudly. Nat's stomach dropped, and the shock of the mere acknowledgement caused her Imperturbable charm to break. She quickly Vanished her contraband before getting out of her bed, and Imperturbed her bed again the second she stepped out.

"Don't even bother, it already smells like a goddamn turtle tank in here," said Millicent.

"Your charms are flimsy and pathetic. You might as well just blow smoke in our faces while we sleep," Pansy snapped.

"Yeah, we know you like to pretend otherwise, but we live here too, and we outnumber you." Daphne crossed her arms, looking extremely pissed. "We're not going to put up with your bullshit this year, Foxworth." Nat's girlfriend's sister spat surname like a curse.

"Alright, well, go tattle on me then," Nat replied. Her voice was steady as she felt a wave of Klonopin induced serenity wash over her. "Would that fix your problem?" she asked sarcastically.

"Only if you get expelled," Pansy said, "which by the way, would be likely, according to Crabbe."

"Maybe I should just hex your noses off, so you can't keep sticking them where they belong _or _smell anything," Nat said lightly, twirling her wand between her fingers.

The three girls burst into laughter. None of them drew their wands, as they were clearly unimpressed.

"Yeah, we'll let you know if we ever need a nose hair trimmed," Millicent said bitchily.

"I'll cut all your goddamn hair off while you sleep. I'll conjure bugs in everything you try to eat. I'll make you wish you were dead," Nat growled, her temper rising quickly. She swept her wand from Daphne to Pansy to Millicent. "I fucking swear. I don't give a shit about detentions. Hell, I'll be seventeen Sunday, they can expel me for all I care. You already make my life here hell. Just leave me alone, that's clearly all I want. " Nat wasn't certain how wise it was to be openly threatening other students, but her confidence rode high on the benzos.

The girls did not speak, they just stared at Nat while her eyes flicked wildly between them.

"You're fucked up," Daphne said finally, sounding disgusted.

"No shit, you dumb cunt, I'm fucked up 24/7," Nat snapped back. Blood had been rushing to her head, she was starting to get tunnel vision, and suddenly, Nat collapsed on the floor. When she came to, she felt throbbing pain in one of her legs. Nat opened her eyes to Daphne trying to kick her back to consciousness.

"Cut the shit," Daphne sneered, kicking her in the other leg. "Your whole little fragile fainting sad sack routine is getting irritating as hell. And you're rubbing off on my sister," she said, kicking Nat until she managed to stumble to her feet. Nat walked backwards towards her bed, but extended her wand again.

"Yell at me, talk shit about me, hex me, but don't you ever fucking kick me again," Nat said, her voice low and quiet. "Just ignore me. It should be pretty easy for you, considering a stupid piece of shit like me can manage it just fine," Nat said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, that seems to be a permanent part of your schtick now too, doesn't it," Daphne said flatly. "Just ignoring people, pretending they don't exist." Daphne finally lifted her wand, and Pansy and Millicent followed.

Nat opened her mouth to speak and closed it immediately. "That's not what I'm doing," she said, lowering her wand unconsciously.

"You're not planning to see her tonight though, are you," Daphne accused. It was a statement, not a question. "Astoria's been asking about you at every single break, and all I have to tell her is that you're sitting in your bed getting high instead of seeing her."

"I have Astronomy tonight... besides, you don't know what..."

"No, shut up, I don't want to hear it, Foxworth," Daphne's voice rose. "Be with her or don't be with her, but stop dragging her into this self-pitying limbo you seem so comfortable in yourself." Daphne's face was changing color as her anger rose, and Pansy and Millicent backed down.

"I'm not... I didn't... you're the one who..." Nat began to stutter. Her resolve was weakening as Daphne got increasingly personal.

"Who what? Realized how disgusting you are, from the first second you looked at my sister? You're perverted! I still haven't recovered from seeing you topless in here with Weasley, and then the _second _you get an in with Astoria, you go right ahead and screw her. In her dorm, in _our _dorm, down the hall in my fucking house, thinking you can just live in your own private world under your shitty charms." Daphne was clearly spitting a lot of pent up rage from summer. "And now what, you're bored? Is it finally going to be weird to you when you're of age? Is that it? Are you realizing you're a paedo..."

Nat didn't let her finish the word. She whipped her wand horizontally across all three girls, wordlessly casting the Silencing charm.Without knowing what was coming, the girls were shocked when they found themselves suddenly mute. They still attempted to yell at Nat, and it would have been comical to watch them flailing and turning purple in the face if it wasn't such an awful confrontation. Daphne opened her mouth to cast a spell, but a spark just fell from the tip of her wand. As Pansy and Millicent both attempted to hex her as well, it became clear that none of them would be able to perform their spells silently.

She picked up her bag and headed to the door. "Just leave me alone," Nat said weakly, "work on your nonverbal spells or something." She ran down the stairs, choking back tears as she headed to the Astronomy tower as quickly as possible. Naturally, Astoria was sitting with her friends right by the common room entrance. Nat kept her head down, pretending she was too distressed and flustered to notice her own girlfriend. As she ran through the school, she burst into full blown sobbing. Nat knew she was a terrible person, but she felt incapable of changing.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Friday, September 6**__**th**__**, 1996**_

Nat and Astoria sat in the back corner of the common room, where they could easily be ignored by the rest of the house. They were both staring down in silence at their pale entwined hands. The girlfriends had been together since after Astoria's classes had ended, and Nat had managed to eat an almost normal amount of food at dinner. She had been awake for nearly forty hours though, still feeling the effects of all the Adderall she had taken yesterday, and the meal tasted like sand and mud through the waning effect of the amphetamine.

Astoria didn't comment on Nat's erratic behavior once throughout the entire night. In fact, she had barely spoken at all, despite all of Nat's excessively fast one sided conversations. But for the past hour in the common room, they had both been sitting quietly, as they waited for their housemates to retreat to their dormitories.

"Let's go out tonight," Nat said, once they were finally alone. She released Astoria's fingers, slid a hand around her hips to move the girl closer, and swung her legs across her lap. "You know where," Nat said, trying to sound seductive. Astoria kept her gaze down, barely responding as Nat kissed a soft trail from her shoulder, along her collarbone, up her neck and behind her ear. Nat ran her fingers through Astoria's soft, thin hair. She caressed her jaw bone, stopping to tip Astoria's chin up to look at her. "Kiss me," Nat said, and it came out sounding entirely too needy.

Astoria raised her hand to the nape of Nat's neck, and moved in to kiss her. She sniffed, pulling away quickly, before even parting her lips. "Natalie…" she paused, "things aren't just magically better now that we've spent a few hours together. I don't think..."

"Babe," Nat interrupted. They never called each other by their first names, certainly never by Nat's full name, and it was surprisingly frightening to hear. "I don't want to make excuses, I just have to explain. I had a really weird summer after I went home. I could barely get out of bed, I didn't leave my house once, I was just having a terrible episode." She sighed and continued, "We need to catch up. That's all. I promise." Nat held Astoria's face in her hands, moving down to look in her eyes again. She pressed her lips firmly against Astoria's forehead, pecking her repeatedly. "I just don't want to do it right now," she said in a small voice. "I can't do it all at once, not right away, and it's a lot. It was too much to write. I'm sorry I didn't just say that outright and let you know I wasn't doing well."

"I understand, I suppose," Astoria said, "and I can't blame you for being sick. You know I would never. But even still, before that, you just feel very... hot and cold, lately." Astoria's voice wavered for the first time all night. "You're not telling me everything like you used to, you're taking way too many pills, you're skipping every meal, and I know you're still smoking all the time. My sister told me."

Nat's face turned bright red. "Babe, it just helps with the side effects of my meds…" she said for the hundredth time in their relationship.

"Okay. I know. That's not what this conversation is about," Astoria said, looking down again.

"Could we please, please drop it then?" Nat pleaded, releasing her girlfriend's tiny face and dropping her hands to wrap them around Astoria's waist. "Can I just promise that things will eventually go back to normal? Or at least, _our_ normal? We can spend the whole rest of the weekend talking about all the weird bullshit my brain has been attacking me with. But can we just have our first real night back together be untainted by that?" Nat nearly begged. "It's already been killing me for half a month now, we just..." she wiped the smallest tear away, "this just isn't the time to talk about it. It's too much."

The ugly truth was, there was nothing Nat really wanted to say to Astoria. Anything she could confess would hurt Astoria more than it would relieve her. There was no way Nat could just spill out every fucked up vision, dream, or fantasy that had been repeating endlessly in her head.

"Alright. That's fair," Astoria said quietly. She looked up, glancing around to check for other people. She turned back to Nat, wiping the older girl's face before leaning in to kiss her. Astoria rolled her eyes and allowing herself to smile again. "Come on," she said, standing and pulling Nat's hands from her waist to raise her up too. "Let's go 'get lost going to the Hospital Wing'," she said, air-quoting with one hand as she slid her fingers into Nat's, leading her quietly through the door.

The Room of Requirement cleared and contracted, as it always did when Nat and Astoria used it. The clutter and sheer size of the Room's natural state was disturbing, anxiety inducing. But for them, it arranged itself into a cozy little hole, dark and minimalistic with a wide velvet settee. Nat had realized ages ago that the Room would not conjure beds for students, unless it was asked to do so for the express and sole intent of sleeping in them. But as long as it didn't prohibit them from entering in the first place, it didn't really matter.

When the door dematerialized behind them, Nat hung back and gripped Astoria by the shoulders with almost forceful authority, turning her back to face the settee. The smaller girl lifted up to kiss her, allowing herself to be pushed backwards as their kisses grew fiercer. Nat collapsed on Astoria, then held her wrists down above her head as she pressed her body against her. She bit at Astoria's lower lip, then started to move hard against her hips. Astoria drew back, pursing and licking at her lips with slightly furrowed brows.

"You're aggressive tonight," Astoria paused, moving to free one of her hands and resting it on Nat's breast. They both could feel her heart beating fast. "Are you good? I mean, can you handle this right now?"

Nat nodded, the Adderall still pumping hard through her system. "It's okay. I've just been awake too long. I'll be gentler, babe," she said, moving Astoria's hand down to her waist and kissing her softer. But their clothes came off with the same frenetic energy, quickly leaving them both in just their bras and uniform skirts.

Nat dropped to her knees first, pressing her hands against Astoria's inner thighs and parting her easily. Her tongue moved as if she hoped the pleasure could outweigh her own shitty behavior. Nat curled her fingers upward, eliciting moans from Astoria. She dropped her hand between her own legs, closing her eyes hard as she focused on trying to mimic the same sensation for both of them.

Ten minutes passed before Astoria started to writhe uncontrollably against Nat's mouth, pressing her head down hard and twitching against her face. Nat grinned through the pressure, always pleased with herself for satisfying her girlfriend. She pulled back, her jaw aching and the spot underneath her tongue already feeling sore.

Astoria lifted her up by her underarms, pulling her to lay next to her on the settee. She topped Nat, pressing their nearly bare chests together and slipping her hand between Nat's legs.

Nat abruptly stopped her. "It's okay, don't worry about it" she said quickly. "I don't think I can, I kept getting close, but I think I'm too speedy…" Nat trailed off. It was a lie, but one that only reinforced Astoria's accusations about her recent behavior.

Astoria leaned in to kiss Nat's neck. "Okay babe," she breathed, allowing herself to relax into Nat's body. She lifted their wrinkled skirts up, raising her leg and hooking it around Nat's lower back. Nat did the same, spreading and shifting to fit herself into her girlfriend. "Can we just do this for a while, then?" Astoria asked softly, rolling herself into Nat.

Nat nodded, closing her eyes and falling into the relaxing motion. The act was just as intimate as what Nat had refused, if not more so, but it felt like she had just paid a penance that didn't deserve reciprocation. Nat tried to let her guilt lift as she watched Astoria's face soften, while the girl rode out her climax by rocking into her. She looked down at their bodies pressed together and gripped Astoria's hip harder, moaning as she rubbed against her. The smaller girl started twitching against Nat, and Nat's head swam with overwhelming attraction to her. _Why would I give her up?_ Nat thought dizzily, closing her eyes and succumbing to Astoria taking control of their movements.

As they snuck back down to the dungeons under Astoria's brilliant Concealment charm, Nat felt her mood lift a little. It hadn't been a perfect night, but it felt like some semblance of normalcy could possibly return to their relationship now. They lingered in the common room for a long time, kissing quietly but passionately near the stairs before parting ways.

Daphne glared at Nat as she walked in, then turned back to the magazine she was clearly engrossed in. _Guess she's going to ignore me after all then. _

Nat glanced at the ancient grandfather clock in the room, realizing for the first time that it was halfway to midnight. Feeling incredibly lucky to have gotten away with a necessary late night, Nat laid down in her bed, Stuck her curtains, and Imperturbed her space. But despite her fatigue and exhaustion, Nat's mind kept racing too hard for sleep.

She decided it would be okay to at least stay up to ring in the start of her last day as a sixteen year old. Being one of the oldest kids in the year had always sucked, and Nat hated that she had barely missed the cut off for the year above them, but this was the one good birthday to have early.

Irritatingly, Daphne's words had kept repeating in Nat's head ever since the previous night, tainting her excitement. _Is it finally going to be weird to you when you're of age? _Nat sighed and closed her eyes, even though she knew she'd be wide awake for at least an hour. She pulled out her pouch, loaded a bowl of Patronus Haze, and replayed the last hour in her head while she smoked.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Saturday, September 7**__**th**__**, 1996**_

The first weekend was unseasonably rainy and cold; Hogwarts usually didn't start getting chilly until a few weeks into the year. Yet Nat and Astoria were outside, hiding from other students as usual, in the classroom side of the castle that surrounded Nat's favorite courtyard. It was deserted, which was exactly what Nat had hoped for. After ending up awake late, panicking about how to explain things to her girlfriend, Nat had crashed hard and slept way too late into the afternoon. So when she told Astoria they needed to talk, the girls had made the trek across school for privacy.

"So basically, you don't even want to _try _to make things better," Astoria confirmed bitterly, in the thick of their heavy discussion. Nat stared down at her shoes. "What happed to '_I promise things will go back to our normal, I promise we can talk about it, but not tonight_,' why did you even say that if you had no intention to try?" The younger girl's face was shifting from hurt to anger.

"Babe, it's so much, I just think..."

"I know, I know, it's a lot. So why didn't we start this conversation last night, instead of going off and fooling around? Did you have to fuck me, just to double check, to make sure you wanted to dump me?" Astoria sounded extremely offended. 

"I don't _want _to break up," Nat said, trying to be assertive, "all I said was that some space might be best for us right now."

"That's not an answer," Astoria snapped. "And besides, what exactly would I be gaining from this space? Because from where I'm standing, it's been empty open air for weeks," Astoria said.

Nat did not reply. Astoria crossed her arms and looked away, staring up at the clock tower. The two witches sat in tense silence for a long minute.

"Tell me you'd still be acting like this if it wasn't for... tomorrow," Nat finally said bitterly. Astoria still stared at the clock tower.

"Well, would you be?" Astoria asked after missing a beat. "If you were going to be sixteen all year, would you be inclined to try a little harder?" Astoria said, her voice faltering as a tear rain down her face. Nat repressed the instinct to wipe it away for her.

"I honestly don't I could, regardless," Nat said lowly. "You know I don't care what people think about us, I never have," Nat lied.

Astoria called her on it. "Bullshit. You practically cower every time someone from your year so much as looks at us."

Nat ran her hands through her hair in frustration and sighed heavily. "Can I just be completely straightforward and lay it all out, I don't want to hurt you, I just..."

"I think I can handle it," Astoria interrupted, her voice steady again. "But thank you, for reminding me once again that you've been beating around the bush and outright lying to me, too." 

"Okay, I deserve that," Nat conceded. She breathed in, preparing to abandon her pride, even if it meant a pyrrhic reaction from Astoria. "Look. I'm not making your life any better. I know that. Our relationship creates tension between us and everyone we have to interact with, you know it's true. You can pretend your dorm mates don't hate me, but I'm sure they'd die happy if they never had to see me again."

"They don't hate you," Astoria said quietly.

"Okay, even if they didn't, everyone else does," Nat replied. "Including teachers." Astoria did not refute this, and Nat found her non-reaction stung quite a bit more than she expected. She sighed, sounding exhausted despite having woken up at two o'clock in the afternoon.

"So this is about other people?" Astoria asked bitterly. "'It's not you, it's everyone else?'"

Nat was starting to get extremely flustered. Nothing was coming out the way she had mentally rehearsed it over the last few weeks.

"If it's not that, then just tell me the real reason. I don't want to hear some long explanation, just say it to my face," Astoria said, her eyes burning fiercely. "I can take it. Honestly, at this point, I feel pretty done too." 

"I don't want to be done," Nat said quietly.

"We are," Astoria said. "This isn't just a discussion, this is the breakup. You can't just backpedal on starting this shitty conversation. Whatever's going on with you, it's clear you're not going to prioritize me, and I can't keep taking a backseat to your bullshit."

The words pricked her. It was incredibly hurtful to hear Astoria, the only person who knew what it was like to live with a long term disability, to refer to all of Nat's random visions, psychiatric problems, and her eating disorder simply as 'her bullshit.'

"Okay then, let me finish," Nat said, straightening as her temper rose. "Everyone thinks I'm exaggerating or flat out lying about my constant visions and nightmares, and even you don't seem to take them seriously anymore. I just have to walk around with this shit in my head, all the time. I don't need to think about it more than I do, but I can't just make it stop happening. It's all I can try to do to manage my moods with my medications..."

"Those pills are destroying you," Astoria interrupted, "and you're intentionally using them to get sicker, don't deny it. You're five and a half feet tall, you're not even one hundred pounds, and you've lost at least ten since we started dating. You're strung out all the time, you think you can balance it out with smoking, but you're just constantly fried, zoned out, or tweaking."

"I'm not arguing any of that," Nat said, putting her hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm the worst, easily. I can barely bring myself to leave my room most days. I spend at least 90% more time alone than I do with other people, and when I'm not alone, I want to die."

"Even with me," Astoria said softly, but not as a question.

"Mental illnesses don't just make exceptions for people you love," Nat said in exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose. "But yeah, as much as I would _love _to just get out of bed and start loving life and having a grand old time being out and about every day, it's never going to happen. It's not like I don't try. I don't _like _living like this, babe." The pet name already felt foreign on her tongue, and Astoria reacted as if it sounded wrong to her already, too.

"Then why are you?" Astoria asked. "It's not that I don't want to understand, Natalie." Nat cringed at her full name. "I just don't get why you keep letting yourself suffer."

"This is why we can't keep going," Nat said, finally able to circle back and try to compose her point. "I can't just get better for you, even though I know that's not what you're asking. But I don't want to keep dragging you around in my misery. I don't want to talk about what I saw all summer, because it won't make you feel any better, you'll just think I'm crazy."

"You aren't crazy," Astoria assured her, as she had many times before.

"Do semantics really matter? Because clinically, yeah, I _am _crazy."

Astoria sighed heavily. "So what, you're too sad, and you don't want to make me sad, that sounds like what you're telling me."

Nat slightly resented the oversimplification, but she wasn't about to pass up an ex machina to get the break up over with already. "Sure. I guess that's the plainest way to put it."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Nat had expected there to be a lot more crying and hugging in this conversation, and yet they lingered feet apart. After nearly ten minutes had passed, Astoria stood to leave.

"Well. I hope you can at least try to be happy, Nat," Astoria said, her voice breaking again. "I wish things could be different, and I'm sorry you felt like this needed to happen now." She bit her lip as if considering whether or not to say something. "We can still do something tomorrow, if you want. I don't want you to have a bad day," she said, sounding sympathetic for the first time all day. Nat laughed; it was the most absurd thing in the world to hear at the moment.

"No offense, Astoria," Nat said, forcing herself to use the girl's full name name for the first time in months, "but the last thing I care about right now is a fucking birthday party." Astoria shrugged, and Nat looked away until she walked away sniffling. _Stupid piece of shit, _Nat kicked herself mentally.

Even though Nat desperately needed to get back to her bed, she lingered in the courtyard crying for at least fifteen minutes to give Astoria a head start back to Slytherin. When she thought the coast would be clear, she headed back, walking slowly as she crossed the bridge back to the other half of the castle.

Nat's face was red and blotchy by the time she got back to the dorm room. To her intense displeasure, she saw Daphne and Pansy sitting on Pansy's bed, both bearing shit eating grins.

"Aw, did someone get dumped?" Daphne said in a mocking voice.

"Shove it right up your ass and fuck it, Daphne," Nat said flatly, digging through her trunk for a small purse to carry her lace pouch in. "I don't have to put up with your shit anymore you stupid bitch." The girls glared at her.

"Wow, you're so cool now," Pansy rolled her eyes at Nat's language. "Just because you can suddenly manage to light your wand without catching something on fire, you think we're suddenly going to be scared of you?"

"Eat a bag of dicks, Pansy. A whole bag of dicks." Nat sighed, gathering her belongings and reinforcing her protective spells. "Don't fuck with my stuff, I swear to Merlin. I'm off to see if I can really get expelled on my last day of minority," she said sarcastically. "Maybe I'll get lucky and I'll never have to see either of you again." Nat stomped away, slamming the door and heading out of the house again.

Dinner was just starting to be served, so Nat decided to go stock up on fruits and veggies while she was still unlikely to run into anyone. She sat at the Slytherin table pretending to eat while she discreetly slipped produce into her bag. Nat wasn't hungry now, she just knew there was no way she was going to leave her bed tomorrow, possibly not Monday either.

When her unextended purse grew full, Nat decided to take the stairs down to the boat house and go smoke by the water. Even though she was extremely unlikely to be walked up on, Nat conjured her Imperturbable bubble as usual, not wanting to give anyone a reason to interrupt her. She gazed out at the water, then lifted her want and started idly making shapes with it in the air.

Nat lingered by the dock until the afternoon turned to night. She dreaded going back to her room already, so she detoured to the upperclassmen's girl's bathroom to take a long hot shower. It always felt good to get nice and clean before a solid stint of holing up in bed. As the warm water washed over her, Nat finally burst into tears, as she found herself wholeheartedly wishing she could just wash her brain, too.

As if on cue, her vision blacked out as a premonition overcame her, sending Nat to her knees. She sat with her palms on the floor, the shower still pouring over her, as she watched the future scene with open eyes.

_Nat sat at the bar of the Three Broomsticks, completely ignored by the other students around her. She had just asked the bar wench for another firewhiskey, when suddenly the woman's eyes seemed to go ten shades paler. "In a minute dear," the older witch said distantly, already walking away from behind the bar and back to the girl's bathroom. _

_As she watched the witch walk away, Nat felt a whoosh of movement from behind her. She quickly looked back, then glanced around the bar in confusion. She couldn't have imagined it, someone definitely almost bumped into her. Nat stared at the door, and in the slightest flash of sunlight, she could have sworn she saw a patch of white blonde hair briefly and faintly appear, before disappearing when the door closed._

Nat blinked profusely as she stared at the shower floor and coughed out the water she had unconsciously inhaled during the vision. _What the hell was that?_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Monday, September 9**__**th**__**, 1996**_

Nat's seventeenth birthday passed without fanfare. She had spent the entire day in bed, smoking and sobbing intermittently. Nat knew there was probably at least some owl post from her mum waiting for her, but she hadn't managed to get herself to the Great Hall Sunday, nor had she earlier today. She was too dehydrated and exhausted to make the trek to the common room, never mind to meals or to her one class of the day.

The severe guilt and heartache resulting from the break up had overwhelmed Nat almost immediately, and she quickly fell into a severe catatonic episode. Listlessness and psychosomatic immobility engulfed her, and all she could do was stare at the top of her canopy. For the greater part of the last three days, her only entertainment was obsessively trying to interpret the nature and origin of her plethora of Dark fantasies. Nat's only relief from the gruesome and bloody fixations was sleep, which was always quickly ruined by a seemingly endless stream of night terrors. Unable to sleep, and resigned to continue watching the grisly imagery flit in and out of her mind, Nat packed a nug of Sleepless Dream into her bong and cashed the bowl in one long hit.

Her head swam as she coughed out plumes of smoke. Before she could succumb to the strain's heightened effect on her visions, Nat thought to Vanish everything on her bed. When she was withered like this, she was already prone to increasingly brutal visions, and sometimes she couldn't contain thrashing or yelling through the worst of them. The last thing Nat wanted to do on this terrible day was to fuck up her expensive glass bong, or to send the water spilling all over her weed and pouch.

Nat tucked herself under the covers, trying to get perfectly comfortable before settling into the odd high. She knew it was a self destructive strain to smoke the strain, but sometimes it just felt good to invoke the scenes on purpose. It gave her a sense of control, to choose to see the violent, disturbing, and depressing premonitions willingly, before they would inevitably haunt her as recurring dreams. At least with the help of the magical effect, the flashes and memories tended to be shorter. Nat closed her eyes and waited for the floodgates to open.

_She sat in her bed in July, staring down at the front page feature of the Daily Prophet, featuring a moving image of a Muggle bridge twisting and turning before collapsing in the water. _

_She watched, with the perspective of a fly on the wall, as a cloaked person wearing a mask with snake slits for eye holes cornered a middle aged blonde witch. Green light flashed from the Death Eater's wand and the woman's lifeless body slumped to the ground._

_She was in Borgin & Burkes, but rather than perusing the book section as usual, she sat behind the counter watching the door to make sure no one could even attempt to enter. _

_She looked down at a wand in her hand, newly crafted, thin, delicate, and intricately carved. It exuded a sinister aura that caused her heart to pound with excitement._

_She laid alone, bleeding on the floor of the Room of Requirement, her thigh throbbing with pain but her head racing with adrenaline and endorphins._

_She saw herself with a group of cloaked men and women, running through the darkened streets of London in the early hours of the morning, striking down Muggles as the whole group cheered and laughed. _

"Miss Foxworth," a gentle voice called. "Miss Foxworth, Professor Snape sent me to come check on you." As Nat came to with a nearly unbearable headache, she recognized the voice to be the matron of Hogwarts. Nat immediately realized she was in deep shit.

_Evanesco, _Nat silently cast, _Tergeo! _She hoped the Vanishing and Scouring charms would be enough to hide the reek of pot. She broke the protective charms and opened her canopy, but collapsed immediately upon standing up. Her vision failed her and she felt very close to losing consciousness.

"Oh dear," Madam Pomfrey said as she bent down to help Nat sit on the bed. "Don't move," the witch warned. She pulled out her wand and conjured a floating stretcher made of thick canvas. "This will be a little awkward until we get out of the common room," Pomfrey said gently as she guided Nat to lay down on it. She waved her wand again and conjured a wooly blanket to cover Nat's shaking body. "Just stay warm dear. Your lips are awfully pale, cover your head if you can breathe comfortably. We'll get you fixed up as soon as we're in the Wing." With that, Pomfrey opened the dormitory door and levitated the stretcher carefully behind her.

To add to Nat's mortification, Professor Snape was waiting for them in the common room. Nat realized that the Slytherin head of house knew she only had to attend his class on Mondays; she should have known better than to skip her one lesson of the day. The mere sight of the intimidating wizard sent her heart into overdrive, and before he could speak, Nat passed out.

She woke up and was immediately dizzy from the motion and staring up at the ceiling, which seemed to be moving. Nat closed her eyes, but only saw the images from the last few days flood into her mind's eye. She began to panic and sat up quickly, but Professor Snape gently pressed one of her shoulders back down against the stretcher.

"Lay still until we arrive, Miss Foxworth," Professor Snape said, in possibly the least unpleasant tone she had ever heard the man use.

"That's right, and we're going to be avoiding exertion tonight, dear," Madam Pomfrey added. "Just try to breathe deeply. We'll get you in a bed as soon as possible and get you plenty of rest."

As they neared the Hospital Wing, Professor Snape excused himself, seeming to feel as if his duty had been completed. "I will notify your other professors and have your assignments delivered tomorrow," he said plainly. Madam Pomfrey shot him a nasty look that silently said, _How dare you_.

"I'll ask for extensions on this week's deadlines," he added unexpectedly, without acknowledging Madam Pomfrey's glare. Before either of them could respond, the stern wizard turned back and headed to his quarters.

As soon as Nat was settled in a bed, a tray of broth, plain buttered noodles, and a sliced banana appeared on the nightstand. Nat grimaced, instinctively turning away from the slightest smell of food and fixating her eyes on the back wall.

"Water first then, I think," Madam Pomfrey said, filling a large glass with her wand and placing it on the table closest to Nat's bed. "Sit up now, you have to get hydrated. We don't want to rely on potions just yet." Nat took a minute to lift herself upright. The matron lifted the heavy glass for her, angling the straw gently into Nat's mouth. "There we go," she said encouragingly, allowing Nat to take breaks in between sips. "We'll take it slow. As soon as your lips are looking normal again, we'll put _just _enough food in you for the Draught of Replenishment. Not an ounce more, I promise, " the matron winked.

"Thank you," Nat croaked in shock, speaking for the first time in days. "That's really... no one's ever taken that approach with me," she said, her eyes starting to well with tears.

"I know these diseases don't have simple cures, dear," Madam Pomfrey said sympathetically. She looked down at Nat and swept her unkept brown hair out of her eyes in a display of affection. "There's no use trying to force you to change if you're not ready. My biggest hope for you is just restoration, which I know might sound like a death sentence at this point."

The witch was right. Weight restoration meant gaining twenty pounds _minimum_ , which made Nat want to vomit just thinking about it. She wondered how long she would be stuck in the Hospital Wing, how long she would slowly be coaxed into eating unsafe foods. The idea terrified her. Nat decided to be a perfect patient while under Pomfrey's care, and to leave the matron with the impression that she would truly seek recovery.

Madam Pomfrey sat with Nat for another hour or so, engaging her in light and trivial conversation about her summer and her new classes, while she watched Nat drink more water. Nat still resisted the food, but Madam Pomfrey promised she would allow her to skip solids for the night if she would just drink all of her broth. Nat relented, not wanting to eat the carb filled banana or pasta. When the matron was satisfied with her progress, she administered the Draught of Replenishment and watched until Nat's lip color returned to pink and her skin began to look a bit less pallid. After Madam Pomfrey promised to return in an hour, Nat was finally left alone in the room to cry out the stressful ordeal.

_Shit, I'm fucked, _Nat thought, starting to get worked up again as she realized she had no control over her surroundings or stimuli, for who knew how long. She couldn't exactly ask Madam Pomfrey to bring her her Muggle pharmaceuticals or some of the weed stashed near them. Luckily, her substance abuse was never mentioned once, so Nat held onto the hope that she might be able to get back to her comfortable haze without blowing her cover.

The Hospital Wing doors opened, and to Nat's surprise, Hannah Abbot followed Madam Pomfrey into the room. The Hufflepuff girl smiled and waved as she approached Nat's bed with a stack of papers and magazines in her hands. Madam Pomfrey left the two girls alone after promising to return at the end of visitation hours.

"Missed you in Defense today," Hannah said lightly. "You would have liked the lesson, we got into some more advanced hexes. It was just theory and note taking, but it was still really interesting. I'm coming around to having Snape as a professor." She sifted through the papers in her hand and pulled out a flattened piece of parchment. "I know you're probably really not up to studying, but I thought I'd bring some stuff, just in case you get bored tonight."

"Hannah, thank you," Nat said with a tone of shock.

"No problem. I brought some trash to read too," the prefect said, setting the magazines and newspapers where the dreaded food had been sitting. "I'm not sure if you're into _Witch Weekly_, and the _Prophet_ is depressing as hell these days, but it can be hard to sleep in this room." Hannah smirked, then asked, "Remember when Sprout sent me here last year, when I freaked out over the O.W.L.?" She laughed. "God, it's really not funny being here, I'm sorry, but I just remember being terrified once the Calming Draught wore off in the middle of the night." Hannah shook her head. "You'll probably get some of that too, by the way. Or Dreamless Sleep potion, hopefully," she added.

Nat stared at the Hufflepuff, still amazed that her acquaintance was being so kind to her, never mind that she showed up in the first place. "Well that's something to look forward to, I suppose," Nat said with a small smile, grateful to know that she wouldn't be without a tranquilizer for the night. "But how did you.."

"Well, you weren't in class, obviously. Then I heard your mean girl roommates gossiping about it in the Great Hall," Hannah said with a grimace.

"Oh god, I don't even know if they were in the room," Nat said, putting her hands over her face in shame. "I could barely see three inches in front of my face when Pomfrey lifted me out..."

"Yeah, they were there," Hannah confirmed sourly. "Seemed to think it was funny, bitches." Nat was somewhat amazed to hear the meek seeming girl cuss. "Anyways, they were telling people in your house, so I yelled at them to shut up. But they just cackled at me, so I Silenced them. That was pretty effective."

Nat burst into laughter. "Merlin, I did the same thing to them a couple nights ago," Nat managed to say through her giggling. "Wasn't it hilarious?" 

"Beyond worth it," Hannah grinned. "I'm sure they'll put a target on my head, but I don't really care," she shrugged.

"Wow," Nat said, her eyes widening. "That was really... you didn't have to do that, that was really brave of you," she finished.

"Well, they were practically shouting about it. They deserved it. Plus, you're not the only person those girls hate," Hannah snorted. "Those two faced snakes... oh, uh, no offense... But yeah, they all tried to be my friend on the train first year, like, the second I said my surname. Of course, they changed their tune the millisecond I mentioned that my mother is Muggle-born." Hannah rolled her eyes and smiled, and her smirk was infectious.

"I didn't know that," Nat said. She never really had conversations with Hannah outside of class, certainly never to ask her blood status. It was a sore subject for Nat, as a non-pureblood in Slytherin, so she never asked other students about their status or families. "I just assumed you were pureblood, Sacred 28 and all," she explained. "But I guess that doesn't mean much these days."

"There aren't many of us who are half or mixed bloods, that's for sure," Hannah remarked.

"I am," Nat said. Hannah looked at her blankly. "A half-blood Sacred 28 kid, or whatever."

"You are?" Hannah said. "But wait, Foxworth? So your mother's the pureblood, then?"

"Oh, uh," Nat stammered, realizing the can of worms she had inadvertently opened. "No, um, Foxworth is just one of my mothers' last names. I um, well, I have two. Had two, I mean," Nat amended awkwardly. Hannah looked even more befuddled. Nat's stomach churned as she prepared for the awkward conversation. Only a handful of people knew about Nat's mothers and the nature of her birth, and it was never a fun discussion. "Please don't tell," Nat said after a pause. "I'm probably only telling you this because I'm really out of it."

"Nah silly," Hannah said with a dismissive hand wave. "We're friends, I'll keep your secrets."

Nat flushed profusely. "Okay. Really, don't tell, everyone already thinks I'm a freak." Hannah nodded silently. "My pureblood mother, the one who died, her last name was Selwyn," Nat started. "She was this experimental potioneer, she won a ton of awards for this Procreation Elixir she patented right out of school." Hannah's face transitioned through a quick series of expressions as if it were starting to become clear. Nat cringed, hesitating to continue. "So... they, well, according to them, they just dropped their hair in it, my Muggle-born mum drank it, and I popped out nine month's later."

"That's fascinating," Hannah said incredulously. "I've heard of the Elixir, but I've never known anyone born from it." Nat shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "So why aren't you a Selwyn-Foxworth?" Hannah paused, contemplating her words carefully. "I mean, not to generalize, but isn't that common for same sex marriages? Hyphenating surnames?"

Nat looked down at her lap, ashamed to continue. She knew she could trust Hannah, but it was embarrassing to admit her family history to such a seemingly pure hearted girl.

"They never married," Nat said. "Plus, my mother's family was, well... they're, um, well..." Nat stammered.

"I won't judge," Hannah insisted. "After all, you're a Foxworth, not a Selwyn, right?" She grinned widely. Nat looked down, immediately realizing the girl must have been familiar with the Dark connotations of the family name.

"Okay, okay," Nat said. "I have Death Eaters in the family. My mother included. Despite the Selwyn's intense prejudices, my mum was too devoted to leave my mother. A true Hufflepuff, my mum," Nat said wryly, but Hannah did not smile. Nat regretted the joke immediately.

"Well, my mother hid me and my mum, basically just embedding us in Muggle society while she ran around killing our neighbors, hunting down Muggle-born families, shit like that. But then..." Nat paused, her voice trembling, "well, an Auror killed her barely two months before the war ended. A couple weeks before my second birthday."

"I'm so sorry," Hannah said sincerely. "I'm sure her absence must be devastating, regardless of how she was in life."

"That's honestly, the kindest thing anyone has said about our bereavement," Nat said quietly. A tear rolled down her cheek. She rubbed it profusely, sniffling and trying to clear her face. "Merlin, how did we wind up on this topic," she laughed weakly, trying to diffuse the emotional moment.

"We were talking about purebloods with unearned superiority complexes," Hannah said with a chuckle. "Look, it's not a big deal. I mean, it's absolutely horrible what happened to you. It's got to be traumatic regardless of the situation. But I'm not like your jerk housemates. I genuinely, could not give a crap less about who your parents are when you're so nice."

Nat hung her head. "I don't know how you still think that, after what I did last year," Nat said quietly. She couldn't look at Hannah.

"It was a really weird time for everyone," Hannah said. "It was either play the game or fight back. I don't fault anyone for trying to avoid Umbridge's ire."

"But I betrayed half of the class," Nat said.

"Not personally, no," Hannah stated. "It was only a matter of time before it happened and no one could have guessed when. I get it, I understand how it would probably have been different for me if I were in your position."

"How do you not hate me though?" Nat asked, still looking at her blanket.

"I try not to hate, unless it's completely warranted, like with your roommates," Hannah said lightly. "There's already plenty of that garbage to go around." Hannah sighed, then let a grin come over her face. "Come on, I know you've got to be tired of talking about the heavy stuff," she said playfully. "I'm here to bug you for another half hour," Hannah said, after checking the watch locket around her neck.

Nat finally gave her a full genuine smile. It had been so long since she had a normal conversation, not counting Pomfrey's chattering while she hovered over Nat. "So... did you go to Muggle school?" Nat asked after a moment.

"Nope. I was really weird about accidentally charming toys to move and stuff, so my mom homeschooled me," Hannah said. "What about you?"

"For a few years," Nat said vaguely. "My parents thought I was a Squib until I was almost nine. They were even surprised that I got my letter, I was _that_ bad at practical magic. The only weird thing for me was that I started having these crazy dreams about these random things that would usually happen in the next few days."

"Wow, that's pretty cool," Hannah said, "I guess that's why you're so good at Divination." Nat shrugged but felt a surge of pride. She wasn't going to explain how her gift had fermented, or that the visions were the furthest thing from 'cool.'

"Maybe," Nat said. "I'm just better at subjects that don't require a wand."

"We'll see about that," Hannah said. "Maybe verbal spells just weren't your thing."

"Damn, I hope so," Nat said, and they both chuckled. Without thinking, Nat looked over to the Daily Prophet on top of her night stand. The many ominous bolded headlines on the cover made her too anxious, and she had to look away. Hannah noticed and grimaced.

"I know, it's not exactly light reading anymore," she said lowly. "I can take them back if you want. I didn't know if you were the type to stay in the loop, or just keep calm and carry on."

"No, I want to read them," Nat said insistently. "I've been horrible about reaching out to my mum, I should write her and make sure no one we know has been hurt."

The second she said so, her head throbbed, and she had a brief memory of the vision of the Death Eater and the faceless blonde woman dueling in a kitchen.

"Are you alright?" Hannah asked when Nat opened her eyes.

"Headache. It's nothing," Nat lied. "It comes and goes when I feel like this." Hannah frowned sympathetically, but Nat wanted to move on.

They talked without pause, until it was time for Hannah to go. Though Nat vastly preferred the wizarding world and slightly resented not being raised in it, it was kind of nice to talk to someone at Hogwarts about Muggle society, and to share concerns for their families. Not only did Nat have no one to talk to now that she had split up with Astoria, no one in all of Slytherin could sympathize with the danger that came with being mixed in the open war.

Madam Pomfrey rapped her knuckles on the door but hung back from entering the room. "Well, I guess it's bed time," Hannah said. "I'll come back tomorrow, if you like," she offered.

"That would be great," Nat said appreciatively, "I mean, if you're not busy. Don't worry about it. But if you come, that's totally cool."

Hannah laughed. Nat was finding the sound of someone being entertained by her conversation to be extremely comforting. "I'll be here, then," Hannah said. And with that, the girl stood up and wrapped her arms gently around Nat. After Hannah waved goodbye and turned to walk away, Nat began to tear up, touched by hugging a platonic friend for the first time in years.


End file.
